Sunday, 14 October 2007

Find comfort in Pain, Tears and Rain

He walked out of the house early today. He had nothing with him except sunglasses, phone & ipod; no bags, no accumulation of life's belongings, no plan, although he should have had.
He walked through the quiet London streets for miles, constantly pushing , hurrying, half running, exhausting himself.
Finally he came to one of the green open spaces that london is so generously blessed with, found a bench, fell onto it and stared into the distance. Traffic, starting to trickle through the park, by some quirk of the wind, was silently moving across the landscape.
It seemed like he was the only person there. Anyone passing would have seen a tall figure, unshaven, hunched over, grim, forbidding. His thoughts were twirling like the leaves.
His mind went back to last night, the drunken row, the storming out, the extraction of his passport from the safe, the repetition of the arguments once stated so eloquently, now a wounding litany of blame and accusation. He has cried, something rending inside, gulping for breath, a pain in his chest and throat.
By the time he reached the bar, already drunk, the evening could only go one way. Powering through beers, behaving like a real asshole with the singer, swaying and dancing to himself to the sad songs, making an approach to a woman while her husband was outside smoking.... She protected him by pretending to know me when he returned, introducing him and covering him. Lucky escape, because the guy started shouting at someone else soon afterwards. He did n't have a chance to thank her either. He can't remember much more except he went home, alcohol fueling the homing instinct on auto pilot, before crashing on the sofa.

He moved away from his bench, continued to walk aimlessly, turning over the problem in his head. Well into the afternoon, the decision was reached.
He hurried back and tentatively offered:
"The best solution, for the moment, is for us to remain together, for the specific reasons we talked about. But i'm not going to pretend to you about being faithful any more, given your own hypocritical stance"
"What do you mean?" She asked.
"You can continue with your lovers, all you like, but I want us to treat one another civilly, stop the arguments. I want to be free to choose someone if I wish"
She nodded silently.
"So I take it we're agreed?"
"Agreed" she replied. Then more softly "Sorry ....."
"I'm sorry too" He whispered. But inside his heart was picking itself up.
This could be the solution they were both looking for.
Wishful thinking, over simplistic? He did n't know.
I think you know who this man is..

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow - I felt every word of that with you. Every word.

alex wandered said...

Thank you Fex. I value this more than you know.Stay with me on this one.