A hell of a week date 2

We meet by one of the city termini, me hung over from the previous escapade, she beautifully turned out, no; dressed up, heels, cuffs, coat, the whole thing. We walk to a quirky home made pizza place that serves up onto one communal table, where we perch on surrounding stools. There is no space for your legs under the table. You just perch and dangle.

We talk. We're there for 2 1/2 hours which surely is a record for the place. We talk about everything, we agree there's no rush, and what will be, will be.
At one point, she literally pulls me to her with her strong arms. She pushes my head onto her shoulder and holds me for a long time.
We say nothing. Everything is silent. Everyone around the table is looking at us.
Eventually she lifts my head up, kisses me on the lips, says:
'We should stop because the man over there has tears in his eyes'
We disengage and I sneak a look in the direction.
She's right...
We leave and walk to the tube station.
I say to her 'I want to touch you'
She says, 'Well, you can hug me, this time'
We hug, arms wrapped tightly round each other, not kissing, until she moves to the ticket barrier
Whilst some doubt and questions linger, she seems genuine and real.
txts follow at the weekend, an awful weekend for me with people in my house that I don't want there. I don't dislike them, it just does n't work at the moment.
At the end of the weekend, sunday night, I call her. We talk for over an hour. She is one moment flirty, naughty, and the next serious, contemplative.
She drives me crazy.
We're going dancing tuesday. I'll keep you posted.

A hell of a week

Ladies and Gents,
I had the most random date thursday night.
It all started on Monday morning with a craigslist posting from Sunday, an ad that pinged out on the Alex radar - 'very good looking' understanding', 'wanted man for regular fun' etc.

I reply and get into a fun and playful email exchange. By monday night we had exchanged pictures. I liked what I saw and apparently so did she.
Tuesday - We exchange mobiles.
Wednesday - I call , we have a cool conversation. Possible date Thursday. I'm very intrigued. She sounds fascinating on the phone. I cancel Alex's thursday drinking night.
Thursday. I call, 'how's it looking for tonight?'
'Yes, good , I'm free, If you're ok,'
'I want to meet you. Where and when?'
'I'll txt you in a second'

I text her an address of a funky bar in the west end. She replies ok.
She calls at 4 - 'I'm unexpectedly free now, can you make it here?.'
Damn, no I can't - still got a meeting which I can't cancel.
'Umm, no sorry , can make it later if you want to go home in the interim or whatever.
'No, its fine see you at 6'

I arrive nervously at 5.55 new trousers, aftershave, deodorant applied, trying to look casual, yet interesting!
6 comes and is long gone, I'm sipping my second drink. The bar area is not crowded. I force myself not to look at the door every 30 seconds. I'm just about to call her when she calls - 'Sorry traffic bad, I'm just parking, see you in about 5 minutes. How will I know you?
'Cos I'm the only guy standing at the bar'

I hurry to the toilet for a last minute check. fuck it, can't change anything anyway.
I'm calmer now. A minute later in she walks, beautiful and perfectly dressed up , coat, short black dress, fishnets, heels, scarf, big handbag.
I smile reassuringly across the bar and watch her move towards me.
I take both her hands in mine, still smiling, kiss the fingertips of one hand and air kiss both cheeks. She's lovely! No, she's stunningly beautiful, graceful, impeccably presented. She's also unhappy because she has mislaid one of her favourite gloves.
We order Champagne, tell each other about each other. We smile , laugh, giggle, touch gently.
'Do you want to come to my club for a drink?'
uh oh. Club? what sort of club, Go with it Alex, go with it.
'Yeah sure, is it close by?'
'it's just up the road', she murmurs in her West African intonation.
What is this woman, a hooker, a pimp, a gambler?

We arrive at the club, stepping up the lavishly ornate entrance stairs. I sign the guestlist, and deposit my coat, my worst fears confirmed. They all know her, greeting her familiarly, move us smoothly into the bar where I order and pay for champagne at scary prices. We continue to chat. She announces she's hungry and need to eat Tiger prawns. There is a restaurant here. We decide we want to eat. You have to go up a kind of back stairs. It all feeds my fevered imagination. I imagine the worst.
We arrive at a very classy restaurant. More drinks, followed by mains. It's beautiful. We have talked by now about subjects ranging from African civil war in the 20th century, to her masturbation techniques - 'When I get my vibrator going'...
I've given up trying to work out what's going on. I'm just going with the flow and having a great time.
The club downstairs opens at 11.30. Guess what,it's 11.30. Lets' go.
We arrive where she is surrounded by a bunch of admiring young blades. She extracts herself eventually and we dance. We drink more . We dance more, she moves well, grinding her gorgeous ass against my crotch. We're a bit of a spectacle because there's not many people on the dancefloor.
We leave, 1.30. She waits for her car. It's only a Porsche convertible!. I'm worried about her, she slightly pissed and driving home through the london night.
I say, rightly or wrongly 'How about lunch tomorrow?'
She looks at me 'you want to meet me for lunch?'
'Yeah'
'Ok I'd love to do that. Call me tomorrow and let me know'
She roars off into the dark, without a sideways glance. I cab home. What is this woman?
I toss and turn all night.

Crushes and moves

Reading Marcelle's latest post has made me think about me and E. I basically have a big crush on her right now. It's all daydream stuff, movies playing in my head, unrealistic futures together, you know the sort of thing. I've wanked over her in my thoughts a couple of times, Well..., Why not?

Anyway, big deal, Men have crushes all the time. i'm not sure that women do sooo easily, but what do I know?

But, but, I resolved to make it clear to her that i fancied her. Which I did, last tuesday. I don't want to faff around. And I don't want to faff her around. So she knows. Yeah, she knows, she probably worked it out anyway, would n't be difficult. But it's still up to me to push it to the next level. Before we go to the concert or after? - which is about 5 weeks from now.

What is the next step, people?
How do I progress from newly acquainted mates after a long gap; to fuck buddies or more?

Oh, I answered a couple of craigslist ad's, just to keep fighting on a broad front,as it were. 1 reply so far so we'll see next week.

I can't bring myself to go and get a 'massage'. I want to, but it all seems so...dunno...so unclean somehow.

Did have a seeing to with the missus though, friday night. Bit fraught though, because of our issues. Maybe we're turning a corner. But, you'd have been proud of me, ladies, pulled out at the end, after she'd cum of course, for the classic pop shot spraying all over her tits....mmmm.

Hello, do you come here often...

No, I have n't used that corny line. Hopefully no one ever, ever utters those cringeworthy words. But, here's the thing. In my new 'out there' life I roll up in a number of bars with a number of people lately. And one overriding consistency is - I am absolutely shit at approaching people (girls) in a Bar.

I 've run through the reasons (excuses).-
Not the right Bar.
Not the right girl.
Too pissed. - that is a valid one to be fair
Not pissed enough.
I've forgotten how to do it.
I'm not used to this.
I can't.
I'm unattractive.
I'll look stupid/say something stupid/say the wrong thing.
I'm too scared of the thought of rejection.

That's it, the last one. I don't think I'm scared of actual rejection, I think I'm scared of the thought of it.

I see the movie running in my head, but legs won't walk me over to her.

Ladies, you would honestly not believe the power of that fear. The thought of rejection. Here is a man, outwardly confident, reasonably successful marketer, for fucks sake, can stand up in front of 100 people, done a lot of public speaking, but put me in a bar, art gallery, shop, or wherever and see what happens. You would probably piss yourself laughing.It's hilarious, and pathetic.

I am gonna break this one, people. I surprise myself sometimes but freeze far too regularly. I read somewhere recently that you have to overlay the 'approach pain' with the memory, laying in your bed later, looking up at the ceiling, unable to sleep; of the utter weakness and frustration in not following that instinct and making the moment your own.

Heading for the buffers

It's everywhere.
Popping out of the woodwork.
Appearing from all sides. Contagion.

Relationships, either in conflict, meltdown, armistice or grim resignation. I've spoken to quite a few people now and the state of our marriages or cohabitations seems pretty poor. Several of my friends , who I would have bet good money on them having excellent relationships, have foundered in the late 30s.

Some are plodders, don't give up, stiff upper lip and all that.

Here's one example from a lovely female friend of mine:
'I woke up one morning about 5 years ago and realised I could n't hide from him anymore that i did n't love him. There was n't anyone else and there stil isn't. I just had stopped loving years ago. We stayed together because of the children' they are still together functioning as a 2 man team for their kids. That's all. When I suggested how much more there could be, she shrugged,
'I know, just don't think i'm gonna be able to get that kind of relationship, that's all'

hmmm, does n't want it or too frightened to try?

Surely that's the worst of all worlds. Stating your case and leaving it. Feeling comfortable enough to be with someone but having little in common and whittling through your life, ticking off the days.

Nooooo.

There 's more to life than that, people.

General feeling of relief, it's not just me.

I'm taking her to lunch next week. Of course I am. She suits my purposes perfectly.

At night I drink myself to sleep...

. . .and pretend I don't care that you're not here with me. REM

The barman asks what he can get me , literally 10 mins after he just served me. Errr, that would be nothing; given the 2 drinks he poured for me are still there in front of me. Can't a man stand at a bar and have a drink? Fucks sake.
Further along there is a man wearing Farah's. They used to be cool in like 1981. wanker. They're playing 'night fever', not kidding, before that it was Bangles 'Manic monday'! Shit tuesday more like. . .
The reason why I am here alone is because of E. I txt her monday am.

'up to much this week?'

'busy all week, could meet after an event mid evening.' I don't know what an event is...

'ok lets do tuesday. Let em know when you finish, if you still feel like it.'

I'm trying to get the balance of persistence and being cool. I don't want to be too cool. And I want to be clear about things. I'm flying pretty blind, feeling a little foolish but want to see where it goes.
So I managed to get the Harem out for one , after which they vanish into the night to do what ever girls do. They promised a big one next thursday, but I'm not holding my breath.
So I'm waiting for her txt. Eventually 'we're in such and such a place.' It was quite a way from where I was and what's this 'we' stuff? I'm nervous, what am I doing, just go home for fucks sake...

I get over there, slowly, confidence building as I walk and find to my relief, her and a girlfriend, who stays for 20 mins and buggers off. wheew. It's now perfect.
So we have a real heart to heart. She knows everything. She does n't understand it.She likes me, I can just sense something. She needs something. She needs me probably like a hole in the head, but whatever. I don't think she's had many relationships. She promotes her feistiness. She looks fantastic. She uses my name a lot, I love that. I hold her hand as we talk, over and over. Our knees touch. I touch her necklace. Her neck is beautiful.

I tell her I want to make love to her. She looks down then back and smiles.
'Alex, I need to go, tonight. But. . ., I know...and...it's ok.
We embrace briefly, snatching a kiss as she misses a taxi. I let her go and walk off into the night. I feel elated beyond measure. The doubts come in the morning. I mean the self doubts. I want to see her again.
It was n't shit tuesday.

Gunpowder Treason and Plot, or Fairytale in NY

Friday comes after thursday, and comes after pissed Alex on thursday night. Alex was out with E. here .
So, E texts friday early. -
'Sorry to lag behind last night. Do you fancy fireworks and dinner tonight?'

hmmm, that's quick, given the last time I saw her was 6 months ago. Forget crazy bargirl. I can't, cos I promised the kids a local display and I don't want to fuck around with that. Well, I could...but I followed my brain.

Reply - 'Would love to - prior engagement, firework and kids related'. (She knows about my kids)

Later 'fireworks good?'
reply 'I'm on my couch, decided against'
Did n't go cos I didn't ? getting scary already.
Random one ' The Pogues play london next month. Interested?.
Straight back - 'Brixton academy? Def up for that. Love em.'
Alex 'consider it sorted, let you know'
How funny is that! I don't know anything about her musical tastes, if you can call liking the Pogues actual music.(don't know much about them either, need to do some research)
So me and E are going to get beer poured over us and generally shout ourselves hoarse on the 18th Dec.

How funny is that?

But don't worry , gentle reader, I feel we will be seeing more of each other before then.