At night I drink myself to sleep...

. . .and pretend I don't care that you're not here with me. REM

The barman asks what he can get me , literally 10 mins after he just served me. Errr, that would be nothing; given the 2 drinks he poured for me are still there in front of me. Can't a man stand at a bar and have a drink? Fucks sake.
Further along there is a man wearing Farah's. They used to be cool in like 1981. wanker. They're playing 'night fever', not kidding, before that it was Bangles 'Manic monday'! Shit tuesday more like. . .
The reason why I am here alone is because of E. I txt her monday am.

'up to much this week?'

'busy all week, could meet after an event mid evening.' I don't know what an event is...

'ok lets do tuesday. Let em know when you finish, if you still feel like it.'

I'm trying to get the balance of persistence and being cool. I don't want to be too cool. And I want to be clear about things. I'm flying pretty blind, feeling a little foolish but want to see where it goes.
So I managed to get the Harem out for one , after which they vanish into the night to do what ever girls do. They promised a big one next thursday, but I'm not holding my breath.
So I'm waiting for her txt. Eventually 'we're in such and such a place.' It was quite a way from where I was and what's this 'we' stuff? I'm nervous, what am I doing, just go home for fucks sake...

I get over there, slowly, confidence building as I walk and find to my relief, her and a girlfriend, who stays for 20 mins and buggers off. wheew. It's now perfect.
So we have a real heart to heart. She knows everything. She does n't understand it.She likes me, I can just sense something. She needs something. She needs me probably like a hole in the head, but whatever. I don't think she's had many relationships. She promotes her feistiness. She looks fantastic. She uses my name a lot, I love that. I hold her hand as we talk, over and over. Our knees touch. I touch her necklace. Her neck is beautiful.

I tell her I want to make love to her. She looks down then back and smiles.
'Alex, I need to go, tonight. But. . ., I know...and...it's ok.
We embrace briefly, snatching a kiss as she misses a taxi. I let her go and walk off into the night. I feel elated beyond measure. The doubts come in the morning. I mean the self doubts. I want to see her again.
It was n't shit tuesday.